What would you have done?

So, I arrive back at home yesterday morning and as I'm walking through the parking lot to my building, I see a young girl with her mother. The girl was about 13 years old and she was wearing a t-shirt with English written all over it. This is VERY POPULAR in Korea. It's friggin EVERYWHERE. Jae Cheol has recently taken to commenting about it anytime he watches a non-Korean movie or looks at a non-Korean website because of the absence of English t-shirts everywhere but Korea.

Well, yesterday I read this girl's shirt and my jaw dropped! Literally, right there in the parking lot. I went over to the mother and daughter and in stuttering Korean, because I was so shocked that I couldn't formulate a sentence, told them:

"Excuse me, your t-shirt. . . ! No, no, no! The English, it's not good. It's pervert English"

Naturally, the mother smiled and shuffled away from me because WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, CRAZY FOREIGNER? I really wanted to turn the daughter around, back to her house, make her change her clothes and confiscate her shirt. Instead, I just went to my apartment, feeling like a lunatic. Which is exactly how the mother perceived me.

The shirt said, "Everybody likes a slutty girl"

Ok, so maybe I overreacted. After all, not many people in Korea know what that means at all! But keep in mind that this was a sweet, innocent 13 year old girl. Immagine if she ever traveled abroad to an English speaking country with that t-shirt?!?!?!?! Obviously the odds of that happening are slim, but still. I told Jae Cheol when I got home and asked him if I should have just ignored it. He seemed to think that it was alright for me to have said something. After all, if someone is wearing an English t-shirt with the idea that no one will understand what it says, I have obviously just negated that idea. On the other hand, maybe I am just stuck in such an ESL Teacher rut that when I see something unusual in English, I HAVE to point it out. But I certainly wouldn't have said anything if the person wearing the shirt had been older than school age.

What would you/should I have done? (Funnily enough, I had just taught this grammar pattern that morning.)
Melanie - English Teacher

It's funny cause it's true

28 As a 1930s wife, I am Poor http://www.magatsu.net/maritaltest/">Take the test!

Take the test, you KNOW you want to!

Hello. Hello?

A typical phone call in Korea:

A: Hello
B: Hello?
A: Hello
B: Hello?
A: Hello
B: Hello?

It can go on like this for hours! Somebody, somewhere must have a record of how many times this has gone on. I think it's like 12 or 14 or something.

Am I the only one who thinks this is crazy? I mean seriously, if YOU call ME then you bloody well better spit out what you're wanted to say or I'm going to hang up! This happened to me yesterday and today. Two different phone calls. Who's giving my phone number to idiots?

Ah, my old nemisis, Juice!

I hate juice. I really do. I rarely drink it. It's too sweet and it's too thick. It does not quench my thirst. I hate juice.

It's summer and very hot these days. All of the mothers at the houses that I visit are very sweet. We chat, we smile, we joke. They serve me juice! EVERY! SINGLE! MOTHER! I'm not joking. That's at least four glasses of juice a day. That's more empty juice calories than a fat girl needs.

Not only do I get juice, but usually the children do too. Great. Guess what happens to the juice the children drink. They choke on it, they blow bubbles in it, they spill it on me, they spill it on my stuff. They rarely spill it on themselves or each other.

I hate juice, but at least everyone has stopped feeding me! I used to get fed at every house. Now I only get juice.

Read to the end

I discovered the most fantastic thing today and all I had to do to find this lovely thing is take all my clothes off! (Keep reading)

The only reason I haven't found out before now is that I was shy. I was expecting people to stare at me and to feel really uncomfortable. It wasn't that bad and I'm going to do it again soon, cause it was great. (Keep reading)

I went to the gym today and instead of coming home to shower, which I usually do, I used the bath house at the gym. Public bathing in Korea is hugely popular and is more often than not, a social activity. I've gone a couple of times with my in-laws, (just the girls,) and once or twice with friends. Since I'm Canadian I wasn't immediately comfortable about the public nudity and since I'm Canadian and quite fat, I don't blend in as much as I'd like to when I'm naked in a public bath house in Korea.

Well, today I decided to just bloody do it, it's only a shower after all. Since it's so incredibly hot now, I couldn't imagine walking home from the gym in the HOT sun covered in sweat which is what I did previously. Well guess what I found? Korean bath houses have different tubs with water of different temperatures, usually three: hot, really hot and really cold. Well, to my delight, the really cold tub was HUGE. Longer than my parents' swimming pool! I did laps! My body temperature finally went down to normal temperatures. It was fantastic. Not only that, but someone actually smiled at me while I was there! Take that! As a result, I'm in love with the gym and more importantly, the bath house. I'm going again on Wednesday.

Super Melanie

If I was a superhero, my power would almost certainly be an incredible, unwavering power to complain non-stop. I really do believe in "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all" The problem with this though, is that now I have absolutely nothing to say.

I have tonsillitis - maybe

So, I went to the doctor, finally, again and I told him I had a sore throat for two weeks. He looked in my throat. Then I asked if I should be tested for strep throat. He said he couldn't do it there. Ok. Where? A general hospital. Ok. (I have no idea what that means.)

I told him my glands hurt, or rather, showed him. Actually, that's the only place that hurts and I was surprised that he didn't check after looking in my throat. He explained that something, something lymph glands, something something tonsillitis. I asked if I had tonsillitis. He sort of laughed (or did he say yes?) Then he said "medicine, two days" with no further instructions. When I picked up my prescription from the nurse, she said if I feel better after two days, not to come back.

I DON'T GET IT! If I have something resembling tonsillitis, do they really believe it will be cured with TWO DAYS WORTH OF MEDICATION?

Oh, wait a minute. . . . I think I may finally have the answer! It must be MAGIC MEDICINE! Yes, yes, that's it!

Aarggh, grrrr

Am I sick or am I just lazy? Seriously, I can't quite tell although, I think I might be a little of both. I don't feel really rotten. I just have a sore (kind of) throat and I'm lazy. There you go, those are my symptoms, so you can tell why I'm not quite sure. Or can you? (ha ha a little ambiguity joke)

Smile

I had the best Sunday in recent memory yesterday and today, I joined a gym, went to yoga, made a new friend and was pleasant to all of my students today.
I am a superstar.
More sunshine and sparkles to follow . . .

Married, yes. Children, no.

People keep asking me if I have kids. If I ever do anything the least bit unusual, people who know me ask if I'm pregnant. It's starting to crack me up. I think I may start doing stuff just to fuck with their minds. I'm not sure what yet, but I've got to come up with something. This is an opportunity that cannot be passed up.

Last night, I couldn't sleep because I had so many fantastic thoughts, plans, schemes, things not to forget (but don't worry, how could I forget this, it's brilliant), in my head.

This morning, I have no idea what any of it was.

Come on brain! Don't quit on me now!!!!!!!

I'm sick. I have a sore throat, so I went to the doctor just in case. Well, the doctor looked in my throat and up my nose and proceeded to write me a prescription for TWO DAYS worth of antibiotics. Then he told me that if I take the medication and feel better, then I don't need to continue.

WTF????????

Every time I go to the doctor's for an illness, this is the kind of treatment I get. "Take this medicine for three days and come back if you don't feel any better." Stupid!

I've decided not to take the medicine at all.

I'm sick, so I'm not any more eloquent than that.

The end.

Personal Best

Yes, yes, yes, long time no post, yadda yadda yadda.

Last Thursday I inadvertently caused two kids, in two different classes to blow drinks out of their noses. A personal best.

Ulsan, South Korea an environmental abomination! I recently saw a banner declaring "Automobile Day" for something like May 16-19. Way to go Ulsan! I'm not sure exactly what will be happening on Automobile Day but title just brings images to mind of a campaign where people are encouraged to just get out there and drive. Even if you don't have any where to go, you can turn on the car and rev it a little bit.

I'm always delighted by Ulsan's attempts un-PC attempts to promote culture with it's festivals and special days: Environment in trouble? Well, lets have an automobile day. People love driving their cars, don't they? It's convenient. Whaling a sore issue? Well, lets have a festival celebrating our whaling heritage. We'll hold it at our Whale Museum, which, don't let the name fool you, it's not actually about whales, is about catching them and eating them.

My parents are coming to Ulsan at the end of May for two weeks. It's gonna blow their minds! Now, I'm gonna go out and drive around in preparation for automobile day!

The latest craze

In another example of random stupidity, today my co-worker said, as we were blowing up balloons for halloween, "You know, this is really good for losing weight."

WTF?

May I take your order?

I've gotten a Costco card and have made a few (four hour, round trip) forays into Costco in Daegu to get my delicious and necessary foreign foods. Hey, if I'm doing the cooking, we better have industrial size jars of spaghetti sauce and whatever else catches my fancy whilst shopping.
During the most recent trip, I ate in the ugly little food court, which is always jam-packed. The food is the same, (I'm assuming,) as in the Costco food courts at home. I assume this because it is standard foreign food court fare. There is one twist however, and it has nothing to do with Costco's attempt to be culturally sensitive, or to appeal to the Korean market. This difference is onions.
What are you talking about Melanie?
Here it is:
Costco serves delicious-looking hot dogs in their food court. Not everyone likes onions on their hot dogs, so there is the option to help yourself to the onions. The onions are available from a very nifty looking machine which has a handle that you crank to chop the whole onion into little, hot dog friendly sized bits. (Am I being too technical?)

Here's a bit of background information on Korean meals. Korean meals consist of main dishes and side dishes which all come in their own separate dish and are served at the same time and eaten communally. (You get your own rice. Don't touch anyone else's rice.) Korean meals always have something sour to eat with their meal and quite often, there are certain side dishes that are always served with a particular meal. For example, you ALWAYS get a little dish of pickles when you order pizza. ALWAYS. I don't know who decided that pickles were going to be it for pizza, but there you go. It has been decided and therefore, it is so. ALWAYS. In fact, if the pizza people forgot the pickles, you would phone them back to let them know that they were missing which would result in a separate, apologetic delivery of pickles.

Well, although Costco food seems to be palatable to the shopping masses in Daegu which is evident by the crowded food court, Costco and Korea have a little misunderstanding. Costco doesn't know about the side dishes and from what I've seen, many people will not put up with no side dishes. What has resulted is this: patrons of the Costco food court have taken matters into their own hands and are eating POUNDS AND POUNDS OF ONIONS BECAUSE COSTCO DOESN'T HAVE PICKLES WITH IT'S PIZZA.

Yes, it's true. More than one person has stood at the nifty onion machine and cranked out more than their share of onion bits, (meant for hot dogs, as previously mentioned,) onto a large plate for consumption as a side dish. It's insanity and I wonder if it really is necessary. It also leads to a second question which is, what would these same people not eat? I mean, seriously, if there was a little machine there that served something like, oh I don't know, . . . fingernails, and there were no pickles, would the fingernails be gobbled up as quickly? I even saw one table with their onions covered in mustard. Not just a dollop, mind you, I'm talking marinated, coated and smothered. That, to me is an obvious sign of someone saying, "Well, I did the best I could, . . . "

Everytime I think of this ridiculous situation, I really do smile and laugh a little to myself and the reason for it is the misunderstanding. Being a foreigner, I am therefore the resident example and expert and for all things foreign. I am frequently astounded at how easily assumptions are made. (Yes, I know I do it too and I am making an effort not to play the "us and them" game.) This example, I am CERTAIN, has given someone an opinion about something to do with foreigners/foreign food/foreign onions or whatever. The hilarity of the situation, (to me,) is that I can almost see it in cartoon form: a western costco employee staring down a patron of the food court, eating their most delicious onions and a little bubble over each of their heads reading, "What the fuck are you thinking?!?!?!"

Who knows, maybe you have to live here to appreciate it.

Quit your whining!

When we were in Canada, my dad taught Jae Cheol a very valuable phrase which he has since repeated to me over a thousand times. That very useful and helpful phrase is, "Don't be a wussy."


Yes, that's right, "Don't be a wussy." I silently thank my father every time I hear it from my husband's mouth. (That is, if you can call rolling your eyes a thank you.) Well, no more! I'm finally, for the first time in my life, going to take their very helpful advice and stop being a wussy. That's right, no more whining! Why this sudden about face, you ask? Well, I don't know if it's the weather, (I prefer fall to the painful humidity of summer,) or if I'm finally going insane. But hey, I'm just going to (try to) suck it up and be more positive. My life really is pretty good. It's not perfect, but hey for goodness sake, I feel priviledged to be happy, healthy, loved, in love, working, clothed and fed. I'm one of the luckiest girls on the planet if you ask me.


I'm even going to stop giving the people the finger while driving! A lofty goal, indeed.

Look at this little boy, he's cute right? Well, it turns out that he's also rather sneaky.

Recently, when his grandfather, (my father-in-law) was visiting and went out into the hall to have a cigarette. While he was out there, Dong Jun went to the door, closed it and locked it! That's right! Take that, grandfather! This is my house and I want you out! Hilarious.

Homework Assignment

Yes, it's true. I haven't updated this blog for at least 75 thousand years. Why, you ask. Well it's because it feels too much like homework. Yes, that's right, HOMEWORK! I'm a teacher, I know all about homework but it appears that I can dish it out, but I CAN'T TAKE IT! (Don't tell my students!)

And, I'm a whiner. I don't have anything to say because I can't think of anything nice to say. It's true. Call me, go ahead. I have nothing to say unless you want to hear me whining. That's why I don't talk on the phone. Or email. I apologize. I am boring. The most exciting thing in my life these days is that I got the laundry done and actually cooked something. Yes, it's true I miraculously accomplished both of these things! And I DON'T EVEN HAVE CHILDREN to slow me down!

This leads me to my next question, how does anybody do it? Are people not sleeping? Do people have those magical elves that helped the shoemaker, and they're not telling me how to get them? The elves would scoff at me and run off to help those more deserving, with bigger shopping lists and piles of laundry.

So, to all of you out there in the world with lives and hobbies, friends and children, my hat is off to you! You are my heroes, idols and my superiors! I am humbled by your great deeds and envious of your superhero-like strength. You are amazing.

In other news, I did get a chance to visit Melissa, Hayden and Dong Jin last weekend. It was fantastic. And ridiculous. I am no longer allowed to travel by myself however because when I attempted to return to Ulsan, I mistakenly 1)missed my train because I was shopping, and then 2) got on the wrong train when I got my new ticket. Not wrong train as in, wrong direction, thank goodness but wrong as in slow and not the super-fast KTX. I am train-impaired. Bus I can handle, but not the train. I give up.

In other, other news, I am an aunt again! It's wonderful. Being an aunt is totally my speed. I am the favorite because I always have small toys in my bag when I visit. Sadly, my fame does have it's limits, as illustrated by this conversation a few weeks ago when I visited Dong Jun:

Jae Cheol: "Dong Jun, who do you like more, mom or Melanie?"

Dong Jun: "Melanie"

Jae Cheol: "who do you like more, dad or Melanie?"

Dong Jun: "Melanie"

Jae Cheol: "why do you like Melanie?"

Dong Jun: shrug, "cars" (I bought him some cars at the dollar store)

Jae Cheol: "who do you like more, Melanie or Power Rangers?"

Dong Jun: looking from side to side with a sheepish look "Power Rangers"

CURSES! THOSE POWER RANGERS HAVE FOILED ME YET AGAIN!

Here is my NEW NEPHEW whom I intend to spoil as much as possible. He doesn't have a name yet but Dong Jun likes me more than him, too.

Oh, one more thing. Funny story:

On Saturday I walk into a washroom in a public building, that I have used before and definitely know which one is the ladies and therefore the one I should use. As I walk in, a lady starts shouting something. I think she is shouting, "Is this the women's washroom?" She shouts twice. I walk into the only stall and discover that it doesn't lock, so I walk out of the bathroom to go to the other one upstairs. As I leave, I point out to the shouter, the sign on the door that says "women" thinking that I'm being helpful. As I look at her, she says, "oh, you're a girl."

It turns out that she had been shouting, "That is the women's washroom!" to me, who she thought was a man.

Thanks, lady. I'm going to begin growing my hair tomorrow.

My question is, should I be insulted or should Korean men? After all, I'm not terribly masculine and if I can be mistaken for a man, what does that say about the masculinity and fashion choices of young Korean men? HA, take that!

Ch-ching

Uh-oh, Jae Cheol's mother thinks we're rich. I knew the whole family thought so when we came back from Canada. After all, we had just traveled a lot and Jae Cheol had spent the year studying instead of working. Jae Cheol's mom though, the other day when he was talking about renting an apartment here eventually, said something like, "That's going to be quite expensive, maybe Melanie has a secret stash of cash somewhere!"

Oh shit.

I've asked him to explain the concept of our budgeting to her. He probably won't. I don't like this misconception, it could be dangerous and it makes me uncomfortable.

In other news, I am more and more in love with my nephew every time I see him. He calls me "Meyani", he says "no" in English and he can use the internet unaided! He's two and a half!

I'm already there

I read a CBC article about the European Space Agency looking for volunteers to go on a simulated voyage to Mars. Part of the article describing what will happen on the voyage made me wonder if people were watching me. It's as if they were talking about my life in Korea! I need to get out more!

Weightlessness and radiation are not included, but the simulated
out-of-planet experience offers isolation, confinement, crowding, lack of
privacy, high workload, boredom with available food, and limited communication
with family, friends and mission control.

Nothing exciting, just chickens

Actually, I don't think there's anything else interesting about this story. (That could, however, be because I've been in Korea for a long time.)

The chickens belong to our neighbor/owner of the building. They are being raised on the roof I can hear them peeping and it makes me giggle everytime.

In the spring, children sometimes come home with baby chicks because people wait outside their school and sell them for the equivalent of 50 cents. And who can resist a baby chick? Not children with money in their pockets, that's for sure. Why just a few weeks ago I saw a student outside of the school down the hall from mine hanging up her clear plastic bag full of baby chick, on the bulletin board to be picked up after class.

Who am I to judge? My brother used to keep frogs in his pocket and once put on in a jar in the fridge. Dunno why, he just did.